Americus Times-Recorder, Americus, Georgia

Local Columnists

January 31, 2013

Dwain Walden: My position? I simply don’t care

Moultrie — So this fellow asked me what’s my position on the Manti Te’o scandal.

And I answered, “Position ... what do you mean position?’

Generally when someone asks me about my position on something it would be on some issue in which I might have a stake. You know ... like the price of chili dogs going up or maybe term limits.

“Well, what’s your opinion?” he asked.

My answer was: “I don’t care.”

 I don’t give a tiny rat’s patoot whether the star football player was a victim or if he instigated this matter.

I don’t know if Te’o was duped or if he was the duper. Either way, it’s no skin off me or mine nor will it affect the Dow Jones average or the war in Syria. The truth about the matter will neither lower my taxes nor will it put gas in my car.

I’m aware that the scandal erupted. One would have to be comatose not to have heard about it. But I’m also aware that the speckled perch are biting on Lake Seminole, and we are now awash in pine pollen, the latter two observations far more important to me than some football player’s love life or “alleged” love life.

One thought did cross my mind, however. Do you think a college football star who likely will have a future in the NFL making a gazillion dollars would need to go online to find a girlfriend? Just a passing thought.

I’m just hoping that Congress doesn’t waste tax money inquiring about this matter. Hopefully his relationship or alleged relationship didn’t require steroids.

So this fellow told me that this was a case of fraud, and it reflects badly on college sports.

I gave that a bit of thought. A very small bit. So was anything illegal done? If he was doing the duping, how many guys have lied about their girlfriends ... real or imaginary, excluding blowup dolls of course? And if someone else pulled one over on him, is it more than a prank, and shouldn’t his grades be scrutinized if he fell for it?

I will take this position: Shooting someone in a nightclub or robbing a liquor store would have reflected badly on college sports. I don’t think imaginary girlfriends make the list.

Now while we’re on the subject, I also don’t care that Lance Armstrong used drugs and lied about it. Maybe this is a horse of a different color and maybe I should care, but the fact is — I don’t.

Again, nothing he did impacted me one iota. I don’t even consider riding a bicycle a sport. I’m not saying it can’t be fun and that it’s not good exercise, but I wouldn’t buy a ticket to watch it nor would I purchase a particular brand of bicycle just because it was the kind Armstrong endorsed.

He lied and then confessed to Oprah on national television. Oprah made money off his confession. I didn’t make a dime. I wonder if the pope felt slighted.

 Again, I simply don’t care. It’s not like he was a televangelist selling prayer cloths made in China to gullible old folks or tremendously impressionable young people. As far as I’m concerned, Armstrong’s lies are between him and the Wheaties folks.

So I guess people are now wondering what scandal will surface next. Will we learn that the Turtle Man sedated that raccoon before he caught it bare-handed in that attic? What I mean is, I’ve seen a boar coon nearly drown a blue tick hound. And I swallowed a lot of water trying to pull that old dog out of the slough that night.

And what if we learn later that the parents on “Honey Boo Boo” secretly hold master’s degrees in nuclear physics and chemical engineering and are only pretending to be just a few notches above one-cell organisms ... Oh my gosh, what if!!?

Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com

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