Here’s how the Internet started the week.

1. It’s rough these days for businesses with “Isis” in their names. And apparently for Home Depot employees with “Isis” tattooed on their lips. Or in the case of Kirk Soccorso, former Home Depot employee. 

No, it’s not that “ISIS”—it’s the name of Soccorso’s former girlfriend, who he says was named after the Egyptian goddess of nature.

In fact, Soccorso says he’d never even heard of the terrorist group ISIS until recently. The word kept coming up at work. He decided to get in on the conversation and show off his tattoo. He says it cost him his job of six months. Hope Depot says otherwise. But that could just be lip service. 

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2. The Holy Father’s ride may be bulletproof. But it’s not pizza proof.

More like Pope-eroni. 

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3.  Interrupt a giant tortoise while he’s mating and be prepared to walk the slowest 400 yards of your life. 

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